My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
