no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
