she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
