I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
