I accidentally had phone sex last night
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
