I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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