I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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