A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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