Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
