I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
