Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
