I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
