Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
