I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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