i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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