Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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