I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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