so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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