She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
