I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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