i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
