she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
