So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
