if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
