college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
