You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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