I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
