Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
