i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
