It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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