kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Found your dick twin last night
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
