i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
