What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
