I'm so fucking centered right now
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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