the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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