i wish starbucks made bloody marys
apparently the secret to your success is patron
There was a lot of him and a little penis
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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