My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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