I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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