My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
