haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
