Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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