So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
