I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
