He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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