Say something about gay babies.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
