Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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