my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
