I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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