My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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