Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You dont lie about slip and slides
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
